Who We Are
by KimCSI
Summary: After being held hostage by Adam Trent, Sara puts things in perspective. How will Grissom react? Spoilers for Committed.


**Who We Are**

**A/N: I own nothing at all. CSI and it's characters remain property of CBS, Alliance Atlantis, & Jerry Bruckheimer. 'Who We Are' belongs to Lifehouse.**

**

* * *

  
**

_**Live my life around a picture **_

_**Taken when we met **_

_**Spending all of my time **_

**_Chasing your silhouette_ **

**(Lifehouse – Who We Are)**

* * *

Sara sunk down onto her sofa. Less than 18 hours ago she'd been held hostage at Desert Palm State Facility. She closed her eyes but the images still haunted her. Funnily enough, it wasn't the ones of Adam Trent; it was the images of Grissom, powerless outside of the nurses' station that haunted her the most. The look in his eyes… _I fought for him_. She scrambled up off of the sofa and went to her desk where she pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen.

* * *

Grissom was in his office. He'd just finished the report into the Adam Trent case. He signed it off, closed the file and placed it into his out tray. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, running his hand over his face and through his hair. He couldn't stop thinking of Sara. Her being held hostage last night had scared him. Really shaken him. As if on autopilot, his right hand reached for the top drawer of his desk and pulled out the photograph. It was the one of them in San Francisco, the first time he'd met her. It was well worn, he'd handled it a lot, especially after tough cases. His eyes roamed over her face, taking in every detail. Her smile. He didn't know what he'd do if he never saw that smile again. He lived for that smile. It seemed to be few and far between these days. He missed it. He missed her. Which was silly because they saw each other every night. But things had changed between them. _I changed things between us_. Grissom cursed as he remembered the things that he'd done that had most likely distanced her from him. He wanted to change things. He just didn't know how. He sighed as he tucked the photo into his wallet, grabbed his briefcase and left the lab.

* * *

Sara finished the last of her water as she stood panting in the parking lot of her apartment block. She'd just returned from a long run. She'd lost track of where she'd been. She'd had one destination in mind but had just continued running anywhere until she found herself exhausted but had forced herself to run some more.

Letting herself into her apartment, she headed for the shower and then stumbled to bed, where she fell asleep immediately, for the first time in a very long time.

* * *

Grissom arrived at his townhouse to find a pile of mail under his door. He picked it up and as he put his things in their appropriate places, he made his way to his desk. He put the mail down and sighed. He didn't want to deal with it now. He showered and changed before sitting down at his desk to see if there was anything worth opening. After sorting the junk from anything important, he noticed a final envelope. There was no postmark. _Hand delivered_. His name was written on the front. _Sara's handwriting. Oh God I hope this isn't her resignation_. His heart started thumping in his chest. He poured himself a double measure of bourbon and took a drink of the amber liquid in the glass beside him. Opening the envelope, he took out a single page of paper. As he unfolded it, he sighed with relief as it didn't look formal, and was handwritten. He put his glasses on and started to read.

_Gil,_

_I don't know if this is going to make things better or worse between us, but I have to say this. If, after you've read this, it makes no difference, then throw it away; pretend you never laid eyes on it, whatever works for you. Just know that whatever you decide, I'll always be here for you. Although I guess that depends on how you view 'always'. I think it was pretty evident last night that 'always' can quite easily be taken away. I will never take that promise away from you. I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I always do that around you. There's that word again. You're not even here as I'm writing this and I still manage to ramble. I don't know why I do it. I appear to have digressed from my reason for writing this letter to you._

_Here goes. I know that if I said this, or attempted to say this to you in person it would be inarticulate and awkward and we'd probably end up getting interrupted. At least this way it remains private and you can choose when to read it. And you can always destroy it, erase all trace. I'm doing it again. You seem to have that effect on me. You always have. The truth is Gil, I love you. I feel like I've loved you forever. Neither of us can deny the connection we have. I know you've dismissed it. I understand why, truly I do. I think that last night proved why you shouldn't any more. If our positions had been reversed, I would have fallen to pieces, because you mean that much to me. I can't lose you. If you feel even half of what I feel for you, then I know that you're having a hard time dealing with last night. And I'll guess you poured yourself a drink on seeing this letter right? And you can't sleep because there are all these thoughts going around in your head, which is conflicting with your heart. No matter what you do or don't do, know that I'm ok. I'm still here Gil. I want you to know that I fought for you. Doesn't that tell you something?_

_The proverbial ball is in your court now. You know where I am. And I'll be here, waiting for you, always, because you're it for me, Gil. You're the one._

_With all my love, always,_

_Sara_

_P.S. I'll bet that you thought this was another resignation, huh? Don't worry, it's a rhetorical question._

Grissom sat there stunned. To read those words, from Sara, was all he'd ever wanted, and so much more. She was right; he could have lost her last night. He would never have seen her smile again, heard her laugh, felt her warmth. He took another sip of the bourbon. A wry smile was brought to his lips. _She knows me so well._ Her words echoed in his mind. '_I'll always be here for you'_, '_I will never take that promise away from you_', '_I love you_', '_I fought for you_', '_you're it for me, Gil_'. He downed the rest of the bourbon, grabbed the letter and his keys and left the townhouse.

* * *

He didn't really know what he was doing. He didn't have a plan. But he did know he had to see Sara. She had the weekend off, and knew that he couldn't wait until Monday to see her, plus he knew she'd get the wrong idea. Since she'd told him about her past, things had been better between them. He didn't want to risk losing what they were building. Grissom remembered that night in vivid detail. He'd risked his own job for her by refusing to acquiesce to Ecklie's demands by firing her. _She was worth the risk_. As the realization hit him, he drove as fast as he could to her apartment.

* * *

It was early afternoon and Sara was just waking up. She was surprised to find that she'd slept for 6 hours straight. _Makes a change_. Just as she sat up, she heard knocking on her door. Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, she stood up and looked in the mirror. She didn't look half bad for opening the door to a stranger. As she made her way down the hallway, the knocking sounded again.

"Just a second" she called.

She reached the door, unbolted it and undid the deadlock before opening it. Standing there in a vest top and shorts, she suddenly felt very underdressed as she came face to face with Grissom.

"Grissom. Uhm, would you like to come in?"

"No."

"Oh." Sara instinctively crossed her arms over herself.

"I didn't mean… yes I would like to come in."

Sara stepped aside, confused, to let him past. She closed the door and found him pacing her apartment.

"What did you mean 'no'?" she tentatively asked.

Grissom stopped and turned to face her.

"In your letter. You didn't call me 'Grissom'."

"I know what I wrote." Sara clarified.

Grissom resumed his pacing. Sara sat cross legged on her sofa.

"Did you mean it?"

Sara felt as if she'd been slapped. _Does he really think that little of me? That I'd say those things without meaning a single one?_

Grissom approached the sofa and looked at her. _Idiot!!_

"You know me well enough to know that I would not and do not lie."

Grissom sat down opposite Sara. He suddenly noticed her long, lean legs and arms. How he wanted to be able to wrap her in his arms and never let go.

"You were right." He said with head bowed slightly.

Sara let him continue.

"Last night, I was terrified when I saw you… in there with him."

Sara heard the catch in his voice. She reached her hand over to his, much like he had to her a few weeks ago. In one swift movement, Grissom had pulled Sara into his arms and held her tight.

"I can't lose you either."

Sara felt tears prick her eyes. _Is he finally admitting there is an 'us'?_

"Gil, you could never lose me." She mumbled against his chest.

She felt him hold her even more firmly against him, and she snaked her arms around his neck to hold him to her.

"I love you."

Sara pulled her head back to look him in the eyes and smiled. Noticing the tear threatening to escape his left eye, she swiped at it with her thumb.

"I love you too Gil."

They sat on her sofa just enjoying the moment, Sara wrapped in Grissom's big strong arms. Grissom broke the silence.

"I can't believe this is happening."

Sara smiled. "It was bound to eventually. We're two halves that make a whole. It's who we are."

Grissom smiled and leaned down to kiss her.


End file.
